I am who i am's olive oil, a pirate's life for me, somewhere, where there won't be any trouble, and many more quips to speak of. who am i? as a young person this was the quest of my teen years. trying to find myself. even now i don't know who i am. jargon, run on sentences, poor grammer, missing the point, getting the joke hours after it had been told. gullible, wanting to believe people are basically good and they are creatures of habit. right brain, left brain, whose brain is it any ways. is there a god, a supreme all knowing, loving and benevolent god? college has been a questioning part of life for me, wondering if there really is a right answer.

tug of war with the one side that wants to succeed and the other that says to hell with it, life is too short to sit at a computer tick tick ticking away at the keys to make some sort of reasoning of endless babble. who am i, a mother, a daughter with a daughter, a pet owner, an outspoken person on the introvert side, to a recluse who lives in quiet desperation. mumbling and talking to myself about things that mean nothing to others.

passionate about living, wondering how i got to be so old. thinking of my childhood of the old black and white tv with two big knobs. one to change the channel and the other to turn the set off. how funny it is to see people scurry looking for a remote control for just about every appliance they own. no wonder we are all a bit pudgier. hobbies are now walking the dog, catching up on homework, b.s.ing with old friends, working, working, sleeping, singing, visiting my daughter at school and family around town.i took a cake decorating classes last year, stain glass another year, and have had hobbies of sewing, knitting, crochet, embroidery, needlepoint, cross-stitch, and weaving. i went to school to be an art teacher, but found my current job that was steady.

someone once told me that you should spend your life doing what you love. i wondered how that person bought groceries. i have read enough self help books to be healthy, fit and happy. then i think of these self helpers who tell you quit your job if you don't like it and live off the land are crazy. i figure these folks have sold enough books or have had a successful lives to save and invest so they could write and quit there boring jobs.

what about friends? when you grow older move from place to place you seem to loose touch with old chums from high school. i have calculated it takes the first year to get to know people, then the second year you find out if you really want them for friends. then the third year and after the friendship either keeps going or quits existing. people change and jobs change and who you were differs too. i have a good friend who yaks my ear off, so when i speak to her, i make sure i have used the facilities and have nothing to do for a couple of hours. i use to be a long distance operator. so i really am not much for long calls. i would rather go sit at a coffee shop, talk and enjoy live company. email is good too. especially for my other friend who travels and is busy going to grad school too.

there are places that i'm going in my life and some have changed....i have lived in barrow, alaska, des moines, iowa, seattle, washington, and duluth. i would like to travel, but then again i really don't care if i don't. contradictory.