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Letters to People: U.S. Government
BY TED NORGAARD
STATESMAN STAFF WRITER
iISSUE: 78/26
Dear U.S. Government,
I completely agree with you that it should be all good to waterboard a terrorist. Where I start disagreeing with you guys is limiting this great tool to only terrorists.
Take Chris Angel, the Mind Freak, for example. Tell me that you guys don’t want to waterboard that schmuck. Seriously, have you ever watched his show? He’s an illusionist, which means he doesn’t actually do anything, but he really thinks he does, and he acts like a total douche while doing it.
Also, people that should be included on the list as OK to waterboard are Carrot Top, people that pass you on the freeway and then slow down in front of you, anyone from Canada, children that smile in public, my roommate’s dog Charlie (he really sucks) and the Outdoors Editor for the Statesman.
I know you guys are pretty busy and all, so you don’t have to write back, but seriously, think about it.
