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Letters to People: Grand Theft Auto IV
BY ZACH GRILL
STATESMAN STAFF WRITER
iISSUE: 78/27
Dear Grand Theft Auto IV,
I just bought you, and I can’t wait to play you. All I can think about is when I can leave school for the day, insert you into my Xbox and go on a long-awaited killing spree. For some reason, there are a lot of people that think that you are a bad game. They cite you as what’s wrong with America. I tell these people that they are what is wrong with everything.
Honestly, these people don’t even know. One of these days someone’s gonna be all like “Grand Theft Auto” is a disgrace and shouldn’t be allowed. Well, then, I’m gonna be all like “yo whatever” and either pull out a chain gun or rocket launcher and blow them away. After they’re dead, I will collect any money this person might have on them. By my calculations and predictions, the money will just be floating next to the body.
Then, I’m gonna go steal a car so I can get to the paint’n’spray before the 5-0 catch me. After I get my car painted a different color, the cops won’t recognize me, and I’ll just go about my day like nothing happened and probably end up going home and playing some “Grand Theft Auto IV.”
Don’t listen to them. You’re awesome.
Thanks for the happiness,
Ted Norgaard is at
norg0042@d.umn.edu
