Do's and Don'ts when Speaking with Someone Who Stutters

original author: Sara Mullenmaster, former student
revised by: Cindy S. Spillers, web master

Hearing somebody stutter for the first time catches us by surprise because we don't expect it. The person looks normal so we expect the person to talk normally, too. Often a listener's first reaction is surprise and shock. When we are surprised by something, our faces show it: our eyes get big and our jaw drops open. Stuttering can be uncomfortable to listen to, making us want to turn our heads or back away from the situation, as well. When caught in an uncomfortable, surprising situation, some people react by laughing because they are not sure what response to have. When young children stutter adults sometimes think they are stuttering on purpose and the adults will become angry with the child. It is important to recover from this initial shock quickly, realize that the person is not pretending or stuttering on purpose, and to regain composure so that we can take control of our reactions and act with intention. The follow general suggestions will help regardless of whether the person who stutters is a child or adult. The Stuttering Foundation of America (SFA) has a variety of resources and publications that contain helpful suggestions.

General Suggestions:

• Listen to the content of the message rather than to how the message is coming out.
• Keep natural eye contact with the person to show that you are listening and are interested in their message. "Natural" does not mean staring at the person; nor does it mean avoiding looking at the person. Pay attention to how often and for how long you usually look at another speaker and then try that with the person who stutters.
• Let your posture, your facial expressions, your manner, and your voice show that you are listening and are interested and that you are not embarrassed.
• Resist the temptation to finish the person's sentences or fill in words because this usually does not help. People who stutter know what they want to say; they just need more time getting their message out.
• Telling the person to slow down, relax, or take a deep breath usually does not help either and often demeans them.
• Instead of telling the person to slow down, try using a slower, more relaxed speaking rate yourself. This may help relieve the feeling of time pressure and it will show them that you have time to talk.
• People who stutter usually have more difficulty controlling their speech on the telephone. If you pick up the telephone and hear nothing or hear gasping, it may be a person who stutters.
• Treat the person who stutters with the same level of dignity and respect as you treat other people.

Specific suggestions for children who stutter:

• Use shorter, simpler sentences when speaking to your child. Using too long of sentences makes what you say harder to understand, and the child may try to match your sentence lengths.
• Speak slowly and clearly when talking to your child. This provides a good model for your child and is more effective than telling your child to slow down.
• Allow pauses. After speaking, give your child time to respond to your statements. In addition, pause a second or so before responding to your child’s questions or comments. Talking in a slow, relaxed rate and pausing between statements allows the child time to collect his/her thoughts and respond more fluently.
• Increase the situations in which your child is most fluent. If your child is more fluent during bedtime stories, extend this time by reading one more book at bedtime or provide other reading opportunities throughout the day. Success in one situation builds confidence and leads success in more situations.
• Reduce pressure to communicate. Limit the number of questions you ask your child and ask only one question at a time. Questions demand that your child respond immediately.
• Provide opportunities for your child to speak without competition and distractions from other family members. This allows time for your child to finish his/her statements and diminishes frustration.
• Recognize that certain situations can make the child more dysfluent: feeling rushed to talk, excitement, fatigue, unfamiliar situations, unknown speakers, arguing.
• Maintain a healthy, routine schedule. Make sure your child has proper nutrition, adequate sleep, and follows a somewhat daily routine.
• Watch for signs of emotional tension and frustration and try to remove your child from the situation if necessary.
• Prepare your child for activities and situations that will take place during holidays, birthday parties, etc. For example, let your child know ahead of time where you are going, who is going to be there, how long you will be there, etc. This will reduce some of the anxiety and uncertainty your child may be feeling.
• Talk openly to your child about their difficulty speaking but do not make a big issue out of it. If the child’s difficulty is not talked about, s/he may feel ashamed about the stuttering or feel s/he is doing something wrong.
• Do not encourage your child to use tricks, such as substituting words or tapping a foot, to help her/him get through a moment of stuttering. These tricks do not really help and eventually become part of the stuttering pattern. In the long run, they can make the stuttering more conspicuous.
• Do not let teasing from siblings or friends go unrecognized. Take siblings/friends out of sight and sound of the dysfluent child, and talk to them.

Many of the suggestions above also apply to teachers. In addition, teachers can take other steps to help make the child who stutters feel comfortable in the classroom instead of feeling anxious and self-conscious.

What Teachers Can Do:

• Meet with the child's parents before school begins to learn about their concerns and expectations.
• Talk with the speech clinician at your school to see what suggestions he/she may have for the child. What needs does the child have? It may be helpful to do this before speaking with the child's parents.
• Encourage positive communication skills in the classroom: do not interrupt someone when they are talking, talk for, or finish thoughts and statements for anyone else.
• Avoid, as much as possible, treating the child with dysfluencies differently from others in the classroom. It is important that the child does not feel any differently than the other children by receiving "special treatment." The child who stutters should be held to the same academic and social standards as the other children in the classroom.
• Commend the child when he/she participates in classroom discussions. Praise what they say, not how they say it.
• If the child is teased by classmates, make sure to talk to the child first before confronting the teasers. Listen to what the child has to say, how he/she is feeling. If the child agrees that you speak to the teasers, pull them aside, away from the child, and tell them why their behavior is inappropriate.
• If appropriate, it may benefit the child if you talk to the class about stuttering. It is important to get permission from the child and the child's parents.
• Do not call on students in a specific order. People who stutter build up tension and anxiety when they know their turn is coming because they anticipate that they will stutter. It is best to call on the child early on in the process.
• For oral presentations, encourage the child to practice the oral presentation requirements at home. It may even be helpful for the child to practice in the classroom to relieve some anxiety. Be sure to ask the child about how they feel about doing an oral presentation and what could be done to make it a little less frightening.

It is important to remember that there is no difference between people who stutter and people who do not stutter except for difficulty getting words out. People who stutter, need patience and acceptance from family, friends, and teachers. The suggestions provided can help parents, teachers, and others provide a nurturing environment that promote fluency for the dysfluent person.

Revised June 2011