WPC ( |N$hϻvZsJo0@aUBC w'̩tjH节EКlkta/>^Sٔ T)9Hj*0jxۍ\#TyAe/*O ]- `$6B$xJo6kYnݽ(uG?;O3/Tջ/9 I)fD8ul|1)#$ c IZp.N QS?A)% HOfB[X=^Gg& F3/0̠݃9Go'j9di4yd`~.i%-ᣭ<+]M$^jCks(O0l(4`wx+٬r/ZB'W~r4! کn튫<[^M+;h"MbK_A; s0(p.mSb 0:\^  0~w 4$8G 0DI 1uN N N 72 N: N< l> I & 0 72NNN 1s 72R m#UNd % 0 0l 03 0 0 0` 0NOc 0Dku; 1_ 72 72 72P | 0c! 0wa" 0" 0b# 72$.4$ 72% 17% 72 &N>&N@&NB&ND&D&D&D&D&D&D&D&D&D&NF&NH&NJ&NL&NN&NP&NR&NT&NV&NX&NZ&N\& 72^& B& 72& 72& 72'EC' 72E' 72w' 72' 72'($USUS.,p_, (.(3($ !USUS.,      0  [,@Q3|x(#$  0  3#37=CIQYag1.a.i.(1)(a)(i)1)a)/)  b ($USUS.,    1    _BradBlanton(personalcommunication): Whenyouexperienceyourexperience,your  experiencedisappears.Idontknowwhetherthisspecificformulationwasoriginalwithhim,but  hecertainlylivesit. ? ($USUS.,    2    _AndwhenIpayforamassage,Imnotpayingforthatcaring;ImpayingbecauseAnn  needstomakemoneytosurvive.Igotoherbecauseofwhosheis,andIpayhertosupportthat.  (Pointsofviewverysimilartothisappearintwootheressays,4 ,&O  5  thesortofpersonwho86&O  7 Ԁand   4 &O  5  APhilosophyofSexWork6s&O  7 ,q.v.)thesortofpersonwho( ^$  0  0` (#(#0 ` (#` (# `   .3  :. 0xSexWork  ($USUS.,    4    _And,aswithAnn,IdontpayChrisforthislovebutforhistime.Ifthelovewerent  there,Chriswouldnthavemeasaclient,quiteapartfromthefactthatIwouldnthavehimasa  counselor.Whateverourrelationship,theremainsthathehasbillstopaytoo. i)337=CIOW_eI.A.1.a.(1)(a)i)a) i)?8HP DeskJet 830C Series Printer0(,,,,0(0(9 Z6Times New Roman RegularX($0  0` (#(#0 ` (#` (#0 (# (#2#(  a  )3  0h(#(#(F$0  0` (#(#0 ` (#` (#0 (# (#0h(#(#2#(   )3  0h(#h(#($0  0` (#(#0 ` (#` (#0 (# (#0h(#(#0h(#h(#2#  0  )3  0(#(#(7V$   .II  .ۀ   ( q^H$  0  0` (#(#   .E  ..ہ 0d ({$0  0` (#(#0 ` (#` (#0 (# (#0h(#(#0h(#h(#0(#(#2#  a  )3  0p(#(#(O$ԁLevel 1Level 2Level 3Level 4Level 5 (F$0  0` (#(#0 ` (#` (#0 (# (#0h(#(#0h(#h(#0(#(#0p(#(#2#     )3  0p(#p(# قLevel 1Level 2Level 3Level 4Level 5Level 1Level 2Level 3Level 4Level 5Level 1Level 2Level 3Level 4Level 5Level 1Level 2Level 3Level 4Level 5WOREssay #Header3Header4Header5Header66789 !"%s+t37;?CGKOS-*+x i)/) /)  r ($USUS.,    3    _ThisisanalogoustoAnnnottwistingmyarm.Butthedistinctionbetweenanunhealthy  rigidityandahealthyrespectforonesenvironmentisnotaseasytomakeasfiguringoutifmy  armismeanttotwistinthatdirection.(;3$2#  0  .3  0  (O;$0  2#  a  .3  0` (#(#(b$0  0` (#(#2#   .3  0 ` (#` (#(xir$0  0` (#(#0 ` (#` (#2#(  0  )3  0 (# (#1)0!?HeadOfFor the outline I give beneath the title of IA1(a)(i)1)a);i)0vCHeadOfSecFor the outline I give beneath the title of IA1(a)(i)1)a)= i) d/)  i)/)  i)/)  i)/)  !USUS.,  _  8XXdd8April22,2002  A(# LEVEL:xx Ԉ  [AppendixII]   ΢XX0   PressureIsLove#XX΢&# t(#(# [URL:PressureIsLove]   SECTIONS(&perhapssubsections):[none]   AY]) xdE xA     8  Thereforethesageissharpbutnotcutting.g    8  Pointedbutnotpiercing.U    8  Straightforwardbutnotunrestrained.C    8  Brilliantbutnotblinding.1    8  0`   "LaoTsu(??/1972:58,ll.1215)o ` `  8  Ibelievethatnoonecan'save'hisfellowmanbymakingthechoiceforhim.Allthat K onemancandoforanotheristoshowhimthealternativestruthfullyandlovingly,yet 9 withoutsentimentalityorillusion.Confrontationwiththetruealternativesmay ' awakenallthehiddenenergiesinapersonandenablehimtochooselifeasagainst  death.Ifhecannotchooselife,nooneelsecanbreathelifeintohim.   8  0`   "ErichFromm,quotedinMaryknollMagazine` `  Iformulatedthecentralideainthisessayaround1980,whileintherapywithDr.BradBlanton, k whoseapproachinvolvedGestalttherapywithanadmixtureofbodywork(massageetal.).Both C therapiesinvolvewhatBradtermed experiencingyourexperience. #  1      ׀Inmassagetherapy,atleast k theformImtalkingabouthere,pressingonmusclesincertainwaysbringtheirpaintothe  C surface,whereupontheystarttoheal.Thispainarisesnotfromphysicaldamage(tornmuscles, "! nerveinjury,_etc.),_Ԁwhichrequiresmuchdifferenttreatment,butratherthepainofchronictension. $# Pressingonthechronicallytensemusclescallsthattensionintoquestion,sotospeak,andthepain {&!% directsonesattentiontothattension,allowingonetochoosewhetheritreallymakessenseto S(#' keepit.Ifoneisabletorelaxaroundthepain!anoddbutneverthelessprecisedescriptionof d howone experiencesonesexperienceinthatsituation!,oneischoosingtogiveupthechronic < tension,restoringonesbodysabilitytorespondflexiblyinsteadofrigidlytotheworld.     AstrikinglysimilarprocessoccursinGestalttherapy,atleastasIviewit,andinmany   othertherapies,regardlessoftheirtheoreticalandpracticaldetails.InGestalttherapy,the  ` counselorhelpsonefocusonesattentiononsomepainfulconflict.Inthefaceofthatpain,ones 8  attentiontendstoslipaway!thereasonitissohardtocounseloneself.Butwhenoneisableto t  callthatpaintoconsciousnessanddwellwithinit,thepersonasinconflict(forsoIseetheorigins L  ofsuchpain)begintospeak(andlisten!)tooneanother,andtheirprocessofreconciliationnow $ proceedsmorefreely.Simplybykeepingonespersonastalkingtruthfullyandlistening  respectfullytoeachother,thecounselorhelpsonecreate(onehopes)anIROG.Butnoticethat p theIROGisonesown,notthetherapists.ThetherapistsroleisnottoimposeanIROGbutto H createaspaceinwhichonecancreateitoneself.     Letmeturnnowtotheconnectionbetweenpressureandlove.WhatIhavecalled \ pressureneedstobeunderstoodincontradistinctiontoabuse.Pressureoccurswhentwo 4  conditionsaresatisfied:thepressuremustbeappliedinawaythatcallsforththepainofatrue  " rigiditytothesurface,anditmustbeappliedonlytothedegreethatthepersonisabletofully #  experiencethepain.Letmefleshoutthisdefinitionintermsofmymasseuse!Ann!workingon %X" me.Annfeelsfortherigiditiesofmusculartension;shedoesnottry,forexample,totwistmy '0!$ armpainfullybehindmyback.True,myarmisindeedrigidwhentwistedthatway,butitsnota l)#& rigidityIneedorseektoovercomeunlessIplanacareerasacontortionist.Annalsotriesto D+$( manipulatemymusclesindirectoppositiontotherigidity,creatingtheprecisepainIneedto -&* experience.Inthemusclesalongmyspine,forexample,shepresseseitherintomybodyoralong d myspine;shedoesntpresslaterally.True,lateralpressuredoeshurt,butthepainisaconfusing < combinationofthepainofchronictension,whichIprobablyneedtogiveup,andthepainthat   says, Uhoh!damageahead.Itisntpossible(atleastnotforme,apparently)toletgoofthe   firstpainwhilekeepingthesecond.  `   Thesecondconditionforpressure!usinganappropriatedegreeofit!iseasilydescribed. 8  Toletmeexperiencethepainandletgoofit,Annmustpressnotjustattherightplacebutalso t  withtherightdegreeofforce.Toolight,andIwontbeabletoexperiencethepainsoastolet L  goofit.Tooheavy,andmybodyscreams, Getmeoutofhere,sothatImerelyavoidthepain $ (asusual)insteadoflettingitgo.Ineedtofeelthepainandbelievemybodyissafeandbelieve  thatAnnwontpushmebeyondwhereIcanbepushed.Well,maybealittlebeyond,butstill p mindfulofwhetherImshuttingdown.OnlythencanIrelaxaroundthepain.TohelpAnn,Ilet H herknowwhatshappening:toomuchpressure,notenough,wrongplace,wrongmanipulation,   andsoon,sayingthesenotascriticismbutratheraspartofadance!adancewhereneither \ partnerleads,Ishouldadd.AndItrusthertotakemycommentsassimplefeedback,not 4  criticism.  "   Inshort,inordertodomassagewell,Annhastoknowmewell,wellenoughtoknow #  whereandhowIcarrymychronictensionandwhereandhowtocallthatprecisetensiontothe %X" surface.Icallthatlove,notsexuallove,obviously,norevenagape,butastraightforwardcaring '0!$ formeinthemostfundamentalsense. #  2       l)#&   Letmenowtransfertheseimagesovertopsychotherapy.Aswithmassage,soalsowith d psychotherapydoIlookforthetherapistspressuresatisfyingtwoconditions:thatthepressure < beappliedtoissuesthatareinfactmyrigidities,andthatitbeappliedonlytothedegreethatlets   meexperiencethepainandyetnotshutdown.Ithereforecountonmytherapist(Chris)tonotice   rigidities,placeswheremypersonasarelockedincombat,andtopushonthemprecisely.Ialso  ` trusthimtolistentomyfeedbackaboutmyexperience:Isthisatruerigidityorareasonable 8  responsetothehalfobjectiverealitiesIface?3| #  3      ׀Isthistherealrigidity,orcanIhelpChristo t  characterizeandexploreitmoreprecisely(analogoustoAnnnotpushinglaterallyonthemuscles L  nexttomyspine).AmIabletocontinueexperiencingthisconflictnow,oramIshuttingdown? $ Or,contrariwise,isChrislettingmeoffthehooktooeasily?InallofthisIcountonChrisscare  forme:topushonmylimitsandevenbeyondthemabit,andstilltocareforandrespectme p enoughthatweareinacooperativedance,notabattle.Aswithmassage,thissortofpressure H seemsappropriatelytermedlove!itisnotmydependenceonhiscounselingbeyondoursessions,   anditisnothisdependenceonmyneediness. #  4       \   Inbothmassageandpsychotherapy,then!and,Ibelieve,inallourrelationshipswithone 4  another!,pressureisanimportantwayweloveeachother,pressureofthecarefulandsensitive  " formIhavedescribed,pressureasdistinguishedfromabuse.