Will your roommate become a life-long best friend or will you get the roommate from hell you have undoubtedly heard is lurking out there for the unwary first-year student? Probably neither. So what kind of relationship should you and your roommate expect? Your best bet for a good relationship is to develop an arrangement in which you coordinate your lives to avoid irritating one another. There is no magic formula in developing one of these good roommate relationships. However, research at UMD reveals that certain conflict issues come up in many roommate relationships.
Conflict Issue #1 My room is possessed! or the problem of the
ever-present roommate. Everyone needs some time alone as well as a life
away from The Room. You both must quickly get involved and develop a life
at UMD. Coordinate room time now by setting aside certain evenings,
mornings, afternoons, and weekend times when the room will be available
for the exclusive use of each roommate. Just an hour or two at a time is
all that is needed.
Conflict Issue #2 Whats mine is mine and whats yours is mine
or the
problem of separating community and private property. Is one of you
bringing the television or are you buying it together? Whichever you do,
the television should be treated as community property. Are you both
bringing stereos (if so, both should bring headphones) or are you just
going to have one stereo and will this be community property? Can my
friends sit on your bed? How do we divide up the refrigerator space or
the floor space? Do we share clothes, food? Get the point?
Conflict Issue #3 Is this a pig sty or a museum? or the
neatness
problem. This problem arises when one of you prefers things to be kept
neater than the other does. Both of you may have to compromise to work
this out. Obviously, if I cant stand a sloppy room, it wont do much good
to just have my side neat (I have to look at your side). Just as
obviously, if I want to dust and polish things every day, I cant expect
you to do the same.
Conflict Issue #4 Its a party! or the overly sociable roommate
problem. Remember this is a shared room. Having visitors during your
exclusive room time (see #1) is fine. Any other time should be cleared
beforehand with your roommate. The best approach is to have a curfew time
set for visiting. Also remember that you are responsible for any problems
created by your visitors (breakage, messes, etc.) and your visitors need
to respect your roommates privacy and private property.
Conflict Issue #5 Turn that crap off or the problem of
different
tastes in shows, movies, and music. If there are big taste differences,
this problem gets more difficult. Investing in a good set or two sets of
headphones and two stereos is probably the answer. Just agree to never
play the stereo without the headphones when your roommate is home. If you
dont have a television that takes headphones, you will need to set times
when the set can be on and equally share times for choosing what to watch.
Conflict Issue # 6 What the %#$@ time is it? or what happens
when
an early bird is in the same nest with a night owl? Remember, it is not
your business to reform your roommates sleep patterns. If you can
conveniently do so, leave the room when your roommate is sleeping. If
not, keep noise/movement/light to a minimum (and never have visitors
over). Headphones and study lights come in handy here. If you cant use
headphones on the television, then keep it turned off when your roommate
is sleeping. The sleeper can also help by investing in some good ear
plugs and a sleep mask to keep the light out.
Successfully averting or reducing conflict in the above areas will go a long way toward making your life easier. I strongly recommend that you and your roommate resolve these issues even before you move in together. You can take care of many of these concerns through the mail or in phone conversations. If you do, your first days together will go much more smoothly. If you cannot resolve these issues now, you should plan to discuss them during your first days together on campus.
